|Tom Hiddleston as Loki|
Loki is a Leo. Actually, one could probably make this argument for a lot of the old gods, but Loki is a Leo like “no tomorrow”. Loki is so Leo he’s got to have four or five planets in Leo, or else he wouldn’t be Loki.
Quick Recap on Loki
For those who are less familiar with the Norse myths, Loki is the trickster god who kills Baldur, Odin’s son. Before this fatal misstep, Loki has a life full of adventures. In one story, he spends eight years as a woman, and bears children (for this reason, he is beloved by transgendered activist and astrologer, Raven Kaldera). In another story, Loki shows up at a banquet of the gods and takes every single one of them on with his cunning tongue. In a third story, Loki tricks Andvari out of his gold ring; hence the inspiration for J. R. R. Tolkien’s “The Lord of the Rings”.
In the Wikipedia entry on Loki, one author notes he is, “handsome in appearance, malicious in character, very capricious in behavior, and possessing to a greater degree than others learned cunning”. Where did he learn it from? Why, from sweet Laufey, his mother, which is one reason why he calls himself by her name, Loki Laufeyson.
Also in the Wikipedia entry, a folklore collector detects three major themes in folklore attestations; Loki appeared as an "air phenomenon", connected with the "home fire", and as a "teasing creature of the night”. Raven Kaldera says Loki is a fire god; I am inclined to agree.
Quick Recap on Leos
Now, for a look at some of the associations of Leo types, keeping Loki in mind:
· They are very materialistic, but not greedy. It is hard for them to beg; they are too proud.
· He or she likes to dress nicely, very conscious of social status, and easily inspired by social status.
· He or she likes to have the last word in an argument, which makes fighting easier.
· Child-like, or adolescent sense of humor.
· Naturally talented actors - there is a need to both dominate and perform.
· Impulsive, stubborn, and self-centered in relationships. Also, very sensitive and emotional. Once their ego is hurt, they are all broken.
· Very social sign – constantly involved with people, constantly talking – never shuts up.
· Hyperactive, constantly moving, very impulsive.
· Heart of gold
· Magnetic vitality
Q: Where is the Leo in Loki?
· A total drama queen
· Gay or straight, male or female, it doesn’t matter – he will assume any form that he knows will appeal the most to the object of his affection, or his lesson.
· He loves to dress well. He will take you shopping with him and show you exactly what he likes. Gay or straight, he likes solid pink shirts. Go figure.
· He’s fascinated with chicks outside the tribe, so he might be a “wigger” who loves the “niggahs” and the “chiggahs”, too. In the Lokasenna, he tells Gefjun that her heart was once seduced by a "white boy" who gave her a jewel, and who Gefjun laid her thigh over.
· Farting in bed in the morning is funny. He will get his lover to like it. It means she gets to fart, too.
· The thing about Loki is that life with him is never boring. You might be sitting with him in a car and he leans over and gives you the kiss you’ve been hoping for all day…and all of a sudden your mouth is full of vodka, and you have no idea where he even got it.
Q: What planets does Loki have in Leo?
A: Well, you know, you got to think about who Loki is in all the old stories. His Sun is in Leo because he has at least four or five acknowledged children, and a Leo wants children. Deep down inside, all Leos hope to leave a dynasty behind.
His Venus is certainly in Leo. Loki is proud of his wives. He likes them skinny, pretty, and bitchy – what any man would be proud to have. The one thing he doesn’t care about too much is money. Loki doesn’t have any, and he isn’t looking for it to any great degree with his wives. But he likes asking them for money. And they should have a house. Because Loki is always on the road between the worlds, so there really ought to be a lady-wife in every port (with a house).
You can be sure his Saturn is in Leo, because it’s all about Loki in the end. He’s totally generous and loving when he wants to be, and if he really loves you, he wants to have your baby AND help pay your bills. But most folks don’t see this side of him. Loki has a ton of casual friends, but few intimates. His friends and acquaintances see how self-absorbed he is, and his need to be the star in every little scenario – Loki’s gotta be “somebody” and his enormous personality gets on a lot of folks nerves.
The one planet that probably isn’t in Leo is the Moon. Deep down, there’s a very emotional core to Loki. He cries and feels pain, under all that masculine bluster. Okay, he doesn’t actually cry, because he’s such a man, but he tears up a little, and you know he’s really hurting. So that’s a sign the Moon is watery – probably in Cancer somewhere.
And there’s one other thing. Loki’s got a drinking problem. Every Loki I’ve ever known has been an alcoholic – and most of them are not in recovery either. So there’s an alcoholic signature – probably Mars square Neptune. (Mars square Neptune is known to be a druggie!) Neptune is in a fire sign. Ordinary life is too hum-drum and colorless for the Mars-Neptune native, says CEO Carter, one of the wisest astrologers known to man. Neptune would be in a fire sign, because it turns to steam there, and Loki is full of hot air. A fairly young Loki would have Neptune in Sagittarius.
Q: What about his other aspects? How to you know (or begin to guess) that you’ve found a Loki just by looking at a horoscope?
A: Here’s the thing – if I had to comb the years for a time when Loki would actually incarnate, I’d pick 1976, the Chinese year of the Fire Dragon, the most potent time of fire in the sixty year Chinese zodiac cycle. Then I’d look for a planetary pile-up in Leo, or perhaps Aries, and it turns out there were a lot of planets in Leo in July of that year, and Neptune was in Sagittarius.
The other thing I’d look for would be a nice, tight aspect between Mercury and Neptune. That’s because Loki is all about veils and deception and illusion. It would almost have to be a trine, because Loki is the most charming liar you will ever meet. He’s creative with words, and he’s got a ton of cool songs in his iPod, and he’ll be wearing a wedding band and tell you he’s married, and his phone recording will even mention his wife, and eventually you’ll find out these two aren’t even married – they just like people to think that they are.
If you’re paying attention, the trine puts Mercury in Leo, completing that strong Leo signature of his.
Q: So what’s Loki like as a father?
A: Loki loves his kids. He pays his child support. But he’s almost never in their lives, so his kids are never going to have it that easy, just as the mythical children of Loki had awful lives (his daughter ends up Queen of Hel, and she did well.)
There is something old-fashioned about Loki as a father, though. Because he craves a deep, emotional connection with the mothers of his children, he is far more likely to marry than just be a baby-daddy, no matter how redneck, trailer-trash he is in other ways. He won’t stay married, but that’s another story.
Q: You know, we’re all dying to know what Loki is like in bed. Is it as amazing as all the rumors?
A: Yeah, sigh…GRIN. The first time with Loki is like a wedding night. You won’t be able to focus at work at all the next day. Better off calling in sick.
Loki’s so good in bed because he’s always watching porn on his phone, and then he takes everything he sees and wants to try it out on you. In the old Norse tales, he was endlessly inventive, and he loved anything that moved – an eight-legged horse, a walking woman’s buttocks – those Vikings knew him well. And if he gets mad, then you get a text, “Fuck you AND YOUR HORSE AND YOUR CHICKEN, too.” Er…you may not want to push him too far or dare him in any way.
Q: Any last words?
A: Let’s get back to the astrology for a moment. CEO Carter, the wise one, says of the inharmonious aspects of Mercury and Neptune, “This configuration usually indicates an astute and cunning type of person, capable of deep scheming, and in fact generally hardly able to avoid some degree of deception.”
Carter puts the underlying psychology succinctly, “It is probable that this characteristic arises from the delicate perceptions…which enable the native to divine what others will do or try to do.”
Mercury-Neptune helps the military strategist anticipate his enemy in battle, and it helps the chess player snatch his opponent’s queen. Figuring him out in time to foil his next move is very hard. Send him a text that says, “I learned everything I know from the master”, and you will get an answer “You have not learned anything yet you have not even tasted the start of the game.”
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